Monday, July 30, 2012

Catholic Vocabulary

This information is for Catholics only.  It must not be divulged to non-Catholics.  The less they know about our rituals and top secret code words, the better off they are.


AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.


BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.


CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.


HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.  Created by boiling the HELL out of it.


HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.


RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.


INCENSE: Holy Smoke!


JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.


JONAH: The original 'Jaws' story.


JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.


KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)


MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.


MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)


PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.


PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.


RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.


RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.


TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.


USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.


Little known facts about the Catholic Church in  Las Vegas :


There are more churches in  Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday services at the offertory, some worshippers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash.. Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash. And he, of course, is known as The Chip Monk.

Never make a woman angry

                    
Never Make a Woman Angry!                                                  
                                                                            
                                                   
                                                                            
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint    
Peter to  
greet her, she peeked through the gates and saw a beautiful banquet table. 
                                                                            
Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved 
and                                                                        
who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her,  
"Hello. How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."        
                                                                            
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him,                          
"This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"                        
                                                                            
"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.                          
"Which word?" the woman asked.                                            
"Love."                                                                    
                                                                            
The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into      
Heaven.                                                                    
                                                                            
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman                          
and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.              
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.    
                                                                            
"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"          
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.    
"I                                                                        
married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. 
And                                                                        
then I won the multi-state lottery.  I sold the little house you and I    
lived in                                                                  
and bought a huge mansion.  And my wife and I traveled all around the      
world.  We                                                                
were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today.  I fell and hit  
my                                                                        
head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"                      
                                                                            
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.                            
"Which word?" her husband asked.                                          
"Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis", she replied.              
                                                                            
Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry . . . there will be Hell to  
pay!                                                                      
                                                                            
                                                                            
NB: The longest word currently listed in the Oxford dictionary is the      
supposed                                                                  
lung-disease pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (45 letters).  
                                                                            
Now you've learned a new word.                                            
                                                                            
                                                              

How to stop a massacre

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Air Show Disaster
 
AIRCRAFT HITS FOUR BUILDINGS
 
This is tough to watch.  It just shows the dangers of attending these events.
 
The amazing photo below shows great detail.
 
The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft.
 
It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings.
 
One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.
















No one was killed, but it probably scared the crap out of them!

TAXI DRIVER

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Blog EntryTAXI DRIVERJul 28, '12 9:45 AM
by ASBO MICK for everyone
Taxi Driver


There was a Japanese man who went to America 
for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab
 and told the driver to drive to the airport.

During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. 
Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window 
excitedly and yelled, 
"Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. 
Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the 
window and yelled, 
"Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. 
For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of 
the window and yelled,
 "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet.
And this went on for quite a number of cars.

Finally, the taxi came to the airport. 
The fare was $300.
The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back - 
"Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"
 

David Smith :::: Loosing Weight


David Smith was 630 lbs (285 kg) in year 2003, and he is only 229 lbs (103 kg) this year. No weight loss pills are consumed or surgeries in this period, which is really amazing.

I used to weigh 630 pounds. I have been overweight all my life. I was close to death. I was written off by everyone, even myself. All of a sudden I woke up it seemed from my despair and I realized feeling sorry about my life wasn’t going to solve my problems. I decided to change my existence.

I weigh 229 now, I lost 401 pounds but I have excess skin. I wear a Large shirt and I can fit in a 34 waist. WEIGHTLOSS IS DONE! When I first started losing it was hard, I could only walk 500ft. I can now walk for days. I had problems doing everything, but I persevered over every obstacle. People used to laugh in my face, take pictures, and other degrading stuff. Now its another story getting buff, and so on. All within 3 years of starting. Crazy part is that I’m only half done! I want to be around 230 solid cut up when done.

I need surgery to remove excess skin, all my surgeries have been recorded for TV and will probably air next year. I have had 2 surgeries so far. One on Dec 7th and one on Feb 28th. These two surgeries removed 22.5 pounds of skin. The average person has 7 to 8 pounds of skin. My upper body is almost done I just need one more surgery. My lower body needs a inner thigh lift as well.
-------------------------------------------
David Smith, tenia 630 libras (285 kg) en el año 2003, y está a sólo 229 libras (103 kg) este año. No hay pastillas para perder peso se consumen o cirugías en este período, lo que es realmente asombroso.

 Yo pesaba 630 libras. He tenido sobrepeso toda mi vida. Yo estaba a punto de morir. Que se canceló por todos, incluso a mí mismo. De repente me desperté parecía de mi desesperación y me di cuenta de sentir lástima de mi vida no iba a resolver mis problemas. Decidí cambiar mi existencia.
 Yo peso 229 ahora, he perdido 401 libras, pero tengo exceso de piel. Me pongo una camisa grande y me puede caber en una cintura de 34. Pérdida de peso SE HACE! Cuando empecé a perder era difícil, yo sólo podía caminar 500 pies. Ahora puedo caminar durante días. Tuve problemas para la realización de todo, pero perseveró sobre todos los obstáculos. La gente se reía en mi cara, tomar fotografías, y esas cosas degradantes. Ahora su otra historia consiguiendo pulir, y así sucesivamente. Todo dentro de los 3 años de haber comenzado. Parte loca es que estoy a medio hacer! Quiero ser alrededor de 230 sólidos cortados cuando haya terminado.
 Voy a necesitar cirugía para remover el exceso de piel, todos mis cirugías se han registrado para la televisión y probablemente saldrá al aire el próximo año. He tenido 2 cirugías hasta ahora. Uno de 07 de diciembre y el otro en 28 de febrero. Estas dos cirugías eliminado 22,5 kilos de piel. La persona promedio tiene de 7 a 8 libras de piel. Mi parte superior del cuerpo está casi listo sólo necesito la cirugía una vez más. Mi parte inferior del cuerpo necesita un lavado de cara interna del muslo, así.




































-- 

NIGRIV's SPACE - no kids allowed !

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Blog EntryThe 6 Best Affairs . . .Jul 30, '12 3:11 AM
for NIGRIV's network
more at Nigriv's site...... I like the 6th the best.
click the link





The 6th & Best Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

 

 

 


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Fields




Flowers




Petri




BATMAN MASSACRE 'MIRACLE' AS UNBORN BABY 'FIGHTS FOR LIFE'

BATMAN MASSACRE 'MIRACLE' AS UNBORN BABY 'FIGHTS FOR LIFE'

Yahoo!7 AFPJuly 23, 2012, 5:42 pm
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    The Batman massacre may have tragically claimed 12 lives, but amidst the carnage an unborn baby is clinging to life in what is being dubbed a miracle survival.

    Pregnant Ashley Moser lost her daughter and was shot three times by alleged gunman James Holmes during the Batman massacre at a movie theatre in Colorado on Friday night.

    Amazingly, her unborn baby is reported to be still alive, despite the fact Ms Moser was shot once in the stomach, as well as twice in the throat, reports the Daily Mail.

    Ms Moser had been sitting next to her daughter, six-year-old Veronica Moser-Sullivan, who was the youngest of the 12 people killed by 24-year-old Holman, who is accused of bursting into a packed midnight screening of "The Dark Knight Rises", throwing two canisters of noxious gas into the crowd, and then shooting at random.

    Ms Moser is still in intensive care but her brother Robert told The Daily Mail: "I don’t know how, but she still has the baby. Yesterday I was told she had lost it and today it’s OK. It’s a miracle as she was shot in the stomach."

    However, Ms Moser has been left devastated by the news of her daughter's death.

    "All she's asking about, of course, is her daughter," said Annie Dalton, who is Ashley Moser's aunt.

    "(Veronica) was a very delightful, lively little girl. She was very engaging. It’s a terrible, terrible tragedy.'

    "Veronica was to start learning swimming lessons on Tuesday. She was excited about life as she should be. She's a six-year-old girl. This is just a nightmare right now. It's a nightmare. Everything's surreal. It's just surreal."

    "She took it very badly, "Jean Moser, Ashley Moser's grandmother, told the Boston Herald.

    "I know she was shocked"

    Meanwhile, President Barack Obama has paid an emotional tribute to the victims and survivors of the Aurora cinema massacre, as the shaken US town held a tearful vigil for the 12 dead filmgoers.

    Obama, making a visit to the stricken Colorado town, said he shed tears with relatives of those who died as the community struggles to recover from Friday's shooting at a screening of the latest Batman movie, which also left 58 injured.

    "I confessed to them that words are always inadequate in these types of situations," he said as thousands gathered for a vigil outside the municipal center in Aurora, just outside Denver.


    Speaking after visiting with families in hospital, he said he "had the chance to give folks some hugs, and to shed some tears, but also to share some laughs" as families remembered the "wonderful" lives of their loved ones.

    Shortly after Obama's speech, thousands of locals applauded as police officers, army and other officials approached a stage for the start of the vigil.

    "While our hearts are broken, our community is not," Aurora Mayor Steve Hogan told the crowds, which included many people in tears.

    Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper drew applause when he refused to mention Holmes by name, referring to him only as "suspect A" and insisting that the priority should be to remember the 12 victims.

    He then read out their names, after which the crowd said, "We will remember."

    Police revealed on Sunday that they had found Holmes's computer inside his booby-trapped apartment, which could provide crucial details about how he planned and executed the attack, reportedly over a number of months.

    Holmes, who is due to make his first court appearance on Monday, is being held in solitary confinement for his own protection, a police spokeswoman said.

    It was also reported that Holmes had applied to join a private gun club a few weeks before the shooting, but his paperwork appeared suspicious and he was not approved.

    The owner of Lead Valley Range telephoned Holmes shortly after receiving his application on June 25, and was greeted by a "bizarre and creepy" voicemail greeting.

    Range owner Glenn Rotkovich said Holmes's voice on the message was "slurring words, but he didn't sound drunk, just strange."

    Bomb experts cleared Holmes's apartment of all major explosives threats on Saturday.

    CNN and the LA Times cited police sources as saying that a Batman mask and poster were among the contents recovered from the apartment. The Aurora Police Department declined to confirm or deny the report.

    Early Sunday, police dismissed media reports that another person, a fellow medical PhD student, had helped Holmes in his killing spree and had called the police, threatening more violence if Holmes was not released.

    Authorities said Holmes bought more than 6,000 rounds of ammunition online, as well as four guns in the two months before the rampage.

    Police arrested Holmes by his car at the rear of the theater after the shooting. He offered no resistance.

    http://au.news.yahoo.com/world/a/-/world/14344269/batman-massacre-miracle/

    BATMAN MASSACRE SURVIVOR SHOT IN HEAD IS SAVED BY BRAIN DEFECT

    BATMAN MASSACRE SURVIVOR SHOT IN HEAD IS SAVED BY BRAIN DEFECT

    Yahoo!7 AFPJuly 24, 2012, 5:10 pm
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  • A woman shot in the head during the Aurora movie theatre shooting has made an amazing recovery thanks to a brain condition she did not know she had.

    Petra Anderson, was shot four times when a gunman opened fire in the 'Batman massacre'; three times in the arm and once in the head, with a pellet going through her nose, up the back of her cranium and into the back of her skull.

    However, according to Miss Anderson's pastor, she survived thanks to a rare brain defect nobody knew she had, reports the Daily Mail.

    Pastor Brad Strait wrote in his blog: "It seems as if the bullet traveled through Petra’s brain without hitting any significant brain areas.

    "The doctor explains that Petra’s brain has had from birth a small “defect” in it. It is a tiny channel of fluid running through her skull, like a tiny vein through marble, or a small hole in an oak board, winding from front to rear.

    "Only a CAT scan would catch it, and Petra would have never noticed it.

    "But in Petra’s case, the shotgun buck shot, maybe even the size used for deer hunting, enters her brain from the exact point of this defect.

    Like a marble through a small tube, the defect channels the bullet from Petra’s nose through her brain. It turns slightly several times, and comes to rest at the rear of her brain. And in the process, the bullet misses all the vital areas of the brain. In many ways, it almost misses the brain itself. "

    Doctors had been worried that Miss Anderson's injuries could impair her speech, motor and cognitive abilities.

    But it appears that her brain suffered very little damage and it appears she is likely to make a full recovery and is already walking and talking.

    She could have lost all kinds of function (if) the bullet traversed her brain," her mother Kim Anderson told the Sacramento Bee.

    "I believe that she was not only protected by God, but that she was actually prepared for it."

    Wellwishers have already raised around $32,000 to aid Miss Anderson's recovery and help with the cost of medical bills. Her mother is also battling terminal breast cancer.

    Meanwhile, presumed Colorado gunman James Holmes seemed unhinged Monday as he made a bizarre first appearance in court.

    Holmes is accused of shooting dead 12 people and wounding 58 others at a cinema Friday in Aurora, outside Denver, as young moviegoers packed the first midnight screening of the latest Batman film, "The Dark Knight Rises."

    Wearing a maroon prison jumpsuit, the 24-year-old graduate school dropout didn't speak as lawyers read out a list of accusations during the short procedural hearing at Arapahoe County District Court in the town of Centennial.

    Holmes, a former PhD candidate in neuroscience, appeared unable to follow proceedings as his head bobbed up and down and he alternated between staring out wild-eyed and closing his eyes shut as if drugged or in a daze.

    It was not known if he was on some kind of medication and there was no indication when the young man accused of one of America's worst-ever mass shootings might undergo psychiatric evaluation.

    Holmes is expected to face 12 murder charges, 58 attempted murder charges for those he wounded, and additional charges related to his booby-trapped apartment at a second appearance next Monday when he will enter a plea.

    Prosecutors expect weeks of consultations with families of the victims before deciding whether or not to seek the death penalty.

    "We will want to get their input before we make any decision on that," said Arapahoe county district attorney Carol Chambers. "If the death penalty is sought, that is a very long process that impacts their lives for years."

    Only one person has been executed in Colorado since 1976.

    Denver attorney and legal commentator Scott Robinson said that in his view lawyers for Holmes "have little choice except to enter a plea of not guilty by reason of insanity."

    Holmes gave himself up outside the cinema, still clad in the body armor witnesses described the gunman wearing inside, but Chambers said a successful prosecution wasn't a done deal.

    "It is a case where we are still looking at the enormous amount of evidence, and we would never presume it is slam dunk," she told reporters, adding that an insanity plea would make the case last a year or more.

    Holmes was ordered to remain in Arapahoe County jail, where he is being held in solitary confinement, with no bail allowed.

    http://au.news.yahoo.com/world/a/-/world/14344269/batman-massacre-miracle/

    Tuesday, July 17, 2012

    A WOMANS ULTIMATE DESIRE....MICK

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    Blog EntryA WOMANS ULTIMATE DESIRE....MICKJul 17, '12 7:02 AM
    by ASBO MICK for everyone
    The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her
    full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the
    corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach.
    Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her,
    his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft
    murmurs of assurance.

    He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly
     
    released her from her con straining attire. With a sigh of
    surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare
    flesh. He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory,
    boldly taking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his
    movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her
    every need.

    Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had
     
    gone unfulfilled for so long.

    And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he
     
    paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too
    big! - it will never fit!" Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into
    place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and
    contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of
    gratitude shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long
    before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She
    would want to do it again and again and again............



    Don't ya just love shopping for shoes!

    Monday, July 16, 2012

    Zombies versus Jesus

    Rating:★★★
    Category:Other

    Para deprimir el depresión

    jajajajajaja
    JAJAJAJAJA




    NUNCA DEJES DE SONREIR AUNQUE ESTES TRISTE
    PORQUE NO SABES QUIEN PUEDE ENAMORARSE DE TU SONRISA



    RECIBÍ ESTE CORREITO , Y PENSÉ LO REENVÍO ?
    Y BUENO ...HACI LO HICE...LE PUSE VARIAS X..POR LAS DUDAS
    ME PARECIÓ GRACIOSO , EVIDENTEMENTE SIEMPRE ME SORPRENDO . 
     


    A MOVER EL CULO:
    Publican método para evitar deprimirse contrayendo
     el ano cien veces por día 
    142fc496eac1104b24ae30fdcb1cffa1
     



    Hiroyuki Nishigaki, asegura que el método más efectivo para combatir la depresión,
     es contraer el ano cien veces por día. Y está tan convencido de ello,
     que publicó un libro que argumenta y sostiene su teoría. 


    Quita la depresión. Si, si, leyeron bien, no es que no me haya tomado la medicación esta mañana,
    pero como ustedes, también estuve a punto de caerme al suelo al enterarme de la publicación. 


    El libro, con este titulo tan sugerente, se vende enamazon.com,  
    y ahora mismo está de oferta por menos de 20$. El título exacto es
    âComo Despedirse de la Depresión. Si usted aprieta su ano 100 veces al día".
    ¿Tontería? o ¿Método efectivo?â. Impresionante, ¿no?. El autor de esta joya,
    Hiroyuki Nishigaki, no deja a nadie indiferente y tiene ya tantos seguidores fieles
     como detractores acérrimos. 


    Seguramente muchos de los que han leído esto, ya llevan unas cuantas contracciones
     pero para no partirse de la risa. 


    Es curioso, porque lo de apretar el culo cuando las cosas van mal, siempre se ha dicho.
     Pero este âdicho popular españolâ el señor Nishigaki, lo ha elevado a los altares
     de la terapia contra la depresión. 


    Por si acaso, el autor, Hiroyuki Nishigaki y el editor advierten: 

    âLo que he escrito en este libro son solo mis pensamientos y observaciones.
    Por favor, aprovéchese de ellos por su cuenta y riesgo. Para prevenir el riesgo de lesiones,
     consulte a su medico antes de comenzar este o cualquier ejercicio físico o psíquico.
    El autor y el editor de este libro, declinamos cualquier responsabilidad o pérdida
     en relación con los ejercicios descritos y con las instrucciones presentadas aquíâ 
    -- 
    Attachment: blink.gif