Friday, May 25, 2012

THE RAISE :::: Thanks to Jack

http://ilivetolaugh.multiply.com/journal/item/2460
Blog EntryTHE RAISEMay 20, '12 6:20 AM
by Jack for everyone
THE RAISE 
Employee:Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss
:Sure, come on in… What can I do for you? 
Employee:Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years. 

Boss
:Yes. 

Employee
: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.

Boss
: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time. 
Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but, you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro-activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade..

Boss
: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound? 
Employee: Great! It's a deal Thank you, sir!

Boss
: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies are after you? 
Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!

- THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK ...MICK

http://asbomick1.multiply.com/journal/item/3188
Blog EntryTHINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK ...MICKMay 18, '12 8:30 AM
for everyone
Things you wish you could say at work

1. Ah, I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
 

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to
  pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?
 

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself
  in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to 
worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
 

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leavemessage.
 

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
 

9. It sounds like English,
 but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. I can see your point, but I STILL think you're full of crap.
 

11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
 

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
 

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a darn.
 

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
 

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about
  you.

16. It'll be ready Thursday - now, which Thursday is another
  question.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an
  artist.

18. Any connection between your realityand mine is purely
  coincidental.

19. What am I? Fly paper for freaks?


20. I'm not being rude. You're justinsignificant.
 

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karmto burn 
off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely
  ceremonial.

23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
 

24. You sound reasonable. Time to up the medication.
 

25. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be?






 

Oil Fires :::::: PLEASE BE REMINDED

Rating:★★★★★
Category:Other

STRANGE HOLY QUOTES ..MICK

http://ilivetolaugh.multiply.com/journal/item/2482
Blog EntrySTRANGE HOLY QUOTES ..MICKMay 23, '12 6:13 AM
by ASBO MICK for everyone
STRANGE HOLY QUOTES!

Some people are kind, polite and sweet-spirited - until you try to get into their pew.
[George Goldtrap, Madison, Tennessee]

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
 
[Mark Twain]

Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. [Fred Allen]
 


Do you know the three times that most people are in church? When they are hatched, matched and dispatched. [Lowell B. Yoder, Holland, Ohio] 

Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn't belong.
 
[Msgr. JosephP. Dooley, Martins Creek, Pennsylvania]

Every evening I turn my troubles over to God - He's going to be up all night anyway.
 
[Donald J. Morgan, Columbus, Ohio]

I don't know why some people change churches - what difference does it make which one you stay home from? [Rev. Denny Brake]
 

If a Savior leaves you as you are and where you are, from what has He saved you?
 
[Rev. Denny Brake]

If your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington.
 
[Anonymous]

I'm Allowed cause I'm Kaflix

The Blonde Pilot

             The Blonde Pilot
This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. 
He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day.
 
"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead.
And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"
She hears a voice over the radio saying:
"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.
Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your current height and your position."
 
She says"I'm 5'4 and I'm in the front seat."
 
"O.K." says the voice on the radio...."Repeat after me: ....Our Father....who art in heaven...."
Attachment: blonde.jpg

The Irish Millionaire

         The Irish  Millionaire
                            (whose friend ,Paddy is a genius ) !!!

 

The Irish Millionaire


Mick, from Dublin , appeared on
'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and
towards the end of the program 
had
already won 500,000 euros.

"You've done very well so far,"  said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter,
 "but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend.  Everything is riding on this question.  Will you go for it?"

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of  the following birds does NOT build its own nest?  

a) Sparrow


 

b) Thrush,


 

c) Magpie,


 

d) Cuckoo?"


 

"I haven't got a clue." said Mick,  

''So I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend  Paddy back home in Dublin ...."


 

Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

"Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy.
   "Dat's simple it's a cuckoo."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fookin  sure."
  Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer."
  

"Is that your final answer?" asked  Chris.

"Dat it is."

There was a long, long pause  and then the presenter screamed, 

"Cuckoo is the correct answer!   
Mick, you've won 1 million euros!"

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub  to buy him a drink.

"Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know 
it was DA Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"  

"Because he lives in a Fookin Clock!"
  

Attachment: paddy.jpg
Attachment: sparrow.jpg
Attachment: thrush.jpg
Attachment: cuckoo.jpg
Attachment: pub.jpg
Attachment: Magpie.jpg

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Arrrgghhh for the day ::::::: We LOST !!!!! But what a fight

Rating:★★★★★
Category:Other
16-year-old Jessica Sanchez in duet with Grammy Award Winner Jennifer Holiday :::: And I Am Telling You. 







... and Laney's reaction to Jessica's losing to Phillip Phillips...





Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Watch and be Mesmerized

Rating:★★★★★
Category:Other

Grandpa and the IRS

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. 

The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. 

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' 

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' 

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' 

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' 

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet..' 

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. 

The auditor's jaw drops. 

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' 

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. 

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. 

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness.  He starts to get nervous. 

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks.  'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' 

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. 

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily,he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. 

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. 

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. 

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks. 

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!' 

I keep telling you!  Don't Mess with Old People!!


Monday, May 21, 2012

Friday, May 18, 2012

A Blessing Especially for YOU

Rating:★★★★★
Category:Other

Christ the Redeemer

Rating:★★★
Category:Other

It's the middle of May already

http://sfeastbay.multiply.com/journal/item/1625
Blog EntryMay 16, '12 10:46 PM
for SFeastbay's friends & their friends

The boy you punched in the hall today committed suicide a few minutes ago.

That girl you called a slut in class today. She's a virgin.

The boy you called lame. He has to work every night to support his family.

That girl you pushed down the other day. She's already being abused at home.

That girl you called fat. She's starving herself.

The old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars. He fought for our country.

The boy you made fun of for crying. His mother is dying.


You think you know all of them.

Guess what?

You don't!


Re-post this if you are against bullying. 


Monday, May 14, 2012

Signs in the Office






HOVER YOUR CURSOR OVER THE LOWER PART OF THE SLIDE SHOW TO GAIN CONTROL

Thursday, May 10, 2012

PLEASE PRAY FOR US !!!!! CHINA IS INVADING THE PHILIPPINES !!!!!!!! from BBC

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-18016901


China bangs the war drum over South China Sea

Protester Tsang Kin-shing, who supports Chinese sovereignty over the Scarborough Shoal, prepares to burn a paper Philippine and a US flag during a protest at the Philippine consulateChina has warned that it is ready to take military action to defend what it says is its territory

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War talk, it seems, is all the rage in China at the minute.

Yes, there are serious people in serious publications seriously advocating war.

You might have missed it during all the fuss about Chen Guangcheng, but, for a month now, China has been embroiled in an increasingly bellicose dispute with the Philippines.

So what is going on? Well, strange as it may seem, the two stories may be connected.

At the heart of the issue is what is called Scarborough Shoal by the Philippines and Huangyan Island by China, a little more than 100 miles (160km) from the Philippines and 500 miles from China.

The names are a bit misleading because this is a series of rocks, reefs and small islands stretching across an area of about 150sq km (58 sq miles) of the South China Sea, claimed by both the Philippines and China.

You can see what one "island" looks like here, a screenshot taken from a Chinese TV report yesterday - that is the reporter posing on the rock, and then planting the Chinese flag on it, which gives an insight into the way the issue is being played by China's media.

For a month now, there has been a standoff between Chinese and Philippine fishing and coastguard vessels near the outcrops.

The Global Times, a highly nationalistic English language paper produced by the Communist Party's People's Daily Group, has a useful map that shows how far China's territorial claims extend, on this special page it is now devoting to this 'conflict'.

On Tuesday, China's Vice Foreign Minister Fu Ying summoned a Philippine diplomat for the third time in this standoff, and delivered a warning, that China has "made all preparations to respond to any escalation of the situation by the Philippine side".

On Wednesday, the Global Times helpfully explained in its editorial that Ms Fu's "remarks are seen as China sending a sign that it will not rule out the use of force".

The paper explained: "The Philippines needs to be taught a lesson for its aggressive nationalism. For China, the standoff over Huangyan Island is a matter of sovereignty. And now Manila needs to be defeated in this area... If the standoff escalates into a military clash, the international community should not be completely surprised".

For China, sovereignty is one of the key issues it says it will not compromise on, so it is sending strong signals but also boxing itself in.

Unlike the Chen Guangcheng case, which has been heavily censored, China's internet is full of coverage of this story (for a taste, here is the special page created by sohu.com) which says China's sovereignty has been challenged and the Philippines is creating problems.

So it is fair to believe all this coverage is officially approved.

The odd thing here is that the Philippine navy consists of just one proper ship and that is an ancient US Coast Guard cutter which is hardly a match for China's navy,as this online commentary by "The Comparativist" makes clear.

The Comparativist writes: "I think this is happening because the Philippines is so weak. The Chinese government can beat the war drums all they want, and as loud as they want, and no war is going to happen. It's akin to bullying someone in a wheelchair that you know can't punch back."

That's one possibility. China, and its foreign ministry in particular, have been at the receiving end of intense criticism recently, whether over the Chen Guangcheng case or the Bo Xilai scandal.

So building up a row with the Philippines may be a way of trying to look tough, distract public attention, and hype a bit of nationalist fervour.

But there are dangers here too. The president of the Philippines has tweeted this statement this week, making clear that the Philippines believes America will help protect it from any Chinese aggression. So a dispute could lead to a very tense situation.

China's policy in the South China Sea is not a simple matter, directed clearly from the top as the International Crisis Group has detailed, but affected by many different players.

And now we have more escalation. China is now piling commercial pressure on top of the diplomatic and military pressure, halting tourism to the Philippines, tightening inspections of fruit imports and warning its citizens to be careful of their safety during demonstrations planned for Manila on Friday.

It's a dangerous dynamic that could escalate much further yet. We will keep watching.

Damian Grammaticas, Beijing correspondentArticle written by Damian GrammaticasDamian GrammaticasBeijing correspondent

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